The Onion Book of Known Knowledge: A Definitive Encyclopaedia Of Existing Information

The Onion

Weird, Area Woman Wasn’t Harassed Today
New Dating Site Matches Users With Partners They Deserve
Police Report: Sexual Assault Numbers Under Control, Unless You Count The Super Brutal Ones
OE: Come On! There Has To Be One Person In This Goddamn School Who’s Been Molested by. A Guidance Counselor
Report: Area Woman Has Best Friends In Whole World
OE: Hey, Man, I Totally Get It; I’d Watch A 2-Hour ‘Biggest Loser’ Special, Too by. A Collection Of Nabakov’s Short Stories
FCC Chairman Overturns Decision To Cancel ‘Party Down’
Honey, Will You Make Me The Happiest Deeply-In-Denial Closeted Homosexual On Earth?
Science Confirms Men and Women Never Meant To Be More Than Friends
Sad Man On Train Reading Library Book About Day Trading
Low-Budget Film Panders Just As Shamelessly As Big Studio Feature
Report: Mom Just Locked Her Door
Senate Unable To Get Enough Republican Votes To Honor ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’
Guy Who Came In Late Not Sure How Much Longer He Should Pretend To Be Frazzled
Kid Ready To Start Playdating Again
Congress Spotted Leaving Gay Nightclub
Report: You Know You Are A Fucking Idiot, Right?
Rocky Horror Picture Show‘s Cult Following Just Doesn’t Have The Energy Anymore
Family Requests Privacy During This Unbelievably Awesome Time


McSweeney’s: Lane Moore


I’m glad I’m not a man in the workplace because women have a nicer bathroom to cry in.
Let’s get together this 4th of July to quietly bond over our disappointment in a fireworks display.

(Read all posts here.)

8 Ways To Talk To A Suicidal Friend Without Making It Worse
I Went To A Brony Con On Valentine’s Day And Fell In Love
I Ate Sex Dust For A Week And I’m Pretty Sure It Tried To Kill Me
15 Stages Of Being A Lesbian In Love With A Straight Girl 
Why People Who Say “Being A Lesbian Would Be So Much Easier” Should Shut-Up Forever
Things I Wish I Knew About Being Gay When I Was Younger
8 Best Things About Being Genderqueer
8 Signs Your Girl Crush Is More Than A Crush
Why You Should Take It Fast In Relationships
14 BS Dating Moves To Stop Putting Up With In 2015
Sex Resolutions You Should Keep In 2015
I’m Not A Pear: Why Categorizing Women’s Bodies Is Dumb
15 Things I Wish I Knew About Being Alone When I Was Younger
20 Things Every Twentysomething Should Know About Her Body
This Is What 50 Shades of Grey Would Be Like If It Happened In Real Life
I Went On 30 Dates With A Paper Bag Over My Head
15 Problems Only Butch Lesbians Understand
Never Stop Being Nervous: An Ode To Beta Males
A Complete Beginner’s Guide To Online Dating
12 Problems Only Femme Lesbians Understand
I Hired A Manservant For A Day
18 Dating Problems Only Women Understand

(Read all posts here.)
How To Make A ’90s Teen Sitcom Opener
Was Anyone Actually Surprised To Learn The ShamWow Guy Might Be Insane?
Why Do Screenwriters Hate Nerd Love?

Contact Lane Moore | About Lane Moore

Leave a Reply