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 The Onion Book of Known Knowledge: A Definitive Encyclopaedia Of Existing Information

The Onion

Weird, Area Woman Wasn’t Harassed Today
New Dating Site Matches Users With Partners They Deserve
Police Report: Sexual Assault Numbers Under Control, Unless You Count The Super Brutal Ones
OE: Come On! There Has To Be One Person In This Goddamn School Who’s Been Molested by. A Guidance Counselor
Report: Area Woman Has Best Friends In Whole World
OE: Hey, Man, I Totally Get It; I’d Watch A 2-Hour ‘Biggest Loser’ Special, Too by. A Collection Of Nabakov’s Short Stories
FCC Chairman Overturns Decision To Cancel ‘Party Down’
Honey, Will You Make Me The Happiest Deeply-In-Denial Closeted Homosexual On Earth?
Science Confirms Men and Women Never Meant To Be More Than Friends
Sad Man On Train Reading Library Book About Day Trading
Low-Budget Film Panders Just As Shamelessly As Big Studio Feature
Report: Mom Just Locked Her Door
Senate Unable To Get Enough Republican Votes To Honor ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’
Guy Who Came In Late Not Sure How Much Longer He Should Pretend To Be Frazzled
Kid Ready To Start Playdating Again
Congress Spotted Leaving Gay Nightclub
Report: You Know You Are A Fucking Idiot, Right?
Rocky Horror Picture Show‘s Cult Following Just Doesn’t Have The Energy Anymore
Family Requests Privacy During This Unbelievably Awesome Time

McSweeney’s

McSweeney’s: Lane Moore

Someecards

I’m glad I’m not a man in the workplace because women have a nicer bathroom to cry in.
Let’s get together this 4th of July to quietly bond over our disappointment in a fireworks display.

Cosmopolitan
(Read all posts here.)
Why I Won’t Label My Sexuality
Why Do So Many Laws Protect Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual People, but Not Transgender People?
15 Things I Wish I Knew About Being Gay When I Was Younger
12 Things Every Twentysomething Woman Needs to Do to Get a Bikini Body (spoiler: you already have one)
Why People Who Say “Being A Lesbian Would Be So Much Easier” Should Shut-Up Forever
Why You Should Take It Fast In Relationships
Never Stop Being Nervous: An Ode To Beta Males

 

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